Chew The Pat

It was revealed today that ex-Radio 1 DJ Pat Sharp used to host swinging parties. Sharp used to present '80s kids gameshow 'Fun House', but Blogging Not Dogging understands that he ran his very own 'Fun House' at weekends. The 49 year-old has done little to dispel rumours with his comments, he recently told BND "The Eighties were f*cking brilliant. There were loads of parties and of course, I hosted a few. I won't comment on the nature of the parties or which celebrities, twins or Blue Peter presenters attended."




Gimp From Knightmare

Rumours escalated when the formerly-mulleted star's 'Fun House' co-hosts Melanie & Martina Grant aka 'The Twins' stated that Pat used them "to entice celebrities to his parties". It is rumoured that many kids presenters of the era attended the monthly orgies including Timmy Mallet, Andy Crane and the posh-sounding bloke and his gimp from Knightmare (pictured right).

Fun House-style Games

In a candid interview The Twins divulged details of the parties. Martina told us "We were new to the celebrity world so we thought it was the norm. Plus it was the eighties- Gary Glitter was on the stereo, Michael Barrymore was straight and everyone thought John Leslie was a nice bloke." Melanie added "Pat would encourage guests to play Fun House-style games and collect tokens on their way round. The tokens featured different 'favours' that the winner was entitled to and female contestants often 'won' a card that said 'Chew The Pat'. I think you can guess what that meant!"

Norden Rock

Denis Norden, star of 'Denis Norden's Laughter Files' will come out of showbiz retirement to play a series of gigs with his band 'Denis Norden's Music Files'. The 88 year-old ex-comedy writer formed the band shortly after he retired in 2006 as way of "keeping himself busy".

In 2009 Norden considered renaming the band 'Denis Norden's mp3s' to give the indie-rock group "an edgier feel", but decided to stick with the original name, having already built up a cult following. Southerner Norden told Blogging Not Dogging that it was the "persistent pestering" of the four-piece's cult following that has led him to announce 4 gigs across the Home Counties. He said "Our fans are really, really keen to see us live. They even have a special cork board on the internetweb where they put up notes about us." He proudly added "There's a group of young Doris' who've called themselves 'The Nordenettes'."

Despite the hype, 'Denis Norden's Music Files' banjo player Herbert Bitterman has spoken out questioning Norden's musical stamina. Bitterman said "I keep telling him 'I know you won't be able to play a whole gig- you can't fool me Denis', but he just replies 'It'll be alright on the night.' It beggars belief."

Spaghetti Weston

Falklands Veteran Simon Weston (OBE) found himself completely lost on the Spaghetti Junction, Birmingham last week. He spent over 4 hours navigating the infamous Brummy Junction before finally dumping his car and travelling on foot. Weston- not thought to be much of a petrolhead- left his Nissan Pathfinder in a lay-by before running off into the West Midlands countryside.

Interview

In an exclusive interview with Blogging Not Dogging Weston said "It was pasta joke."

Ben Ogle

Celebrity toff Benjamin Fogle III was hospitalised yesterday by a punch from ‘Animal Park’ co-presenter Kate Humble. Fogle was caught leering round Kate’s dressing room door as she changed out of her tapir-soiled clothes. An onlooker said “Kate heard Fogle tucking his Ralph Lauren shirt back into his jeans and confronted him. Ben had no excuse so Kate thumped him.”

Leering

Ben spent three hours in hospital with concussion and mild bruising, but his leering hadn’t finished. A nurse at The Queen Victoria Hospital in Frome, Somerset told us “he couldn’t take his eyes off me. I liked the attention from a rich celebrity at first, but it rapidly went from a flirty gaze to a full-on leer.” That’s why we’ve dubbed him Ben ‘Ogle’.

Humble Pie

Kate told us "I can't work with him any more. One of us will have to leave Animal Park." When asked what happened she told us "I caught him spying on me so I gave him a slice of 'humble pie'. I have no more to say on the matter."

Stan & Deliver

Ex-Liverpool striker Stan Collymore has a new day job- as a delivery driver. This means the talkSport talk show host can mix work with pleasure in his new delivery van. It has been confirmed that dogging-lover Collymore keeps his work van out of hours. Now he can use the extra van space for his lewd car park antics out of work hours.


Sordid Doggers

Collymore, who once delivered a punch to ex-partner Ulrika Jonsson, refused to comment on how he would use the van out of hours. There’ll certainly be plenty of room in the back of the Ford Transit van for Stan and other sordid doggers. The advertising slogan for the van says ‘Feel The Difference'- we're sure Stan will in his new vehicle.



Twit-ter



Since joining the talkSport team, Collymore has become well known for his relentless use of 'mini-blog’ website Twitter. So it is anticipated that it will be a case of ‘dogging, not blogging’ now Collymore has his own ‘Dogmobile’. Stan described his new van as a ‘dream ticket’.

For Fox Sake

For years Neil Fox struggled with his battle against doctorochondria- a mental disorder where a person thinks they are a doctor when they are not. He received no medical help for his ailment, as it is still not recognised as a disease by 'qualified' doctors in England.

Not Recognised

Andre Romelle Young aka 'Dr Dre' has a terminal case of doctorochondria. The famous rapper was diagnosed in America where doctorochondria is recognised as a disease and is treated. Now 'Blogging Not Jogging' wants the British Medical Association to acknowledge that doctorochondria exists and needs to be treated.

'Foxy'

Neil Fox fought his battle against doctorochondria for years. Fortunately he had support from his family and eventually beat the disease without help from doctors when he became known as 'Foxy'.

For Fox sake, let's make sure doctorochondria is recognised in the UK.

Tickled Penk

It is understood that TV and radio presenter Steve Penk has actually cracked a funny joke. Despite his reputation for
ropey prank calls often containing terrible puns it is rumoured that one of his 'jokes' has actually hit the mark.

As we go to press these reports are unconfirmed, but it is thought that the 'joke' was at the expense of current Jeremy Clarkson. A backlash is expected from Clarkson himself, the little chap out of the 'Morrisons' advert and the other posh bloke off Top Gear.